Wednesday, March 6, 2013

What to do?

Our parish hosted the "Ecumenical Lenten Soup Supper" tonight, and I was asked by our lay leader (he is trained to lead a Communion/Word Service in the absence of a priest, which does sometimes happen here) to assist him in leading one half of the group as we prayed the Liturgy of the Hours/Vespers tonight.  I also read one of the readings.  Even though I am an incurable introvert, I don't mind being out in front of a group of people.  I have been trained in public speaking, and specifically in Scriptural Reading (thank you Sr. de Lourdes!).  I minored in Drama in college.  Speaking in front of large groups, even though I do get nervous, is something at which I am fairly good.

But here is the dilemma:  I was asked tonight by the lay leader if I would like to be trained as a lay leader.  I don't think women should lead services which might be construed by some to be a Mass - for even though it is made quite clear, I know that there are some who don't really see the difference.  There are many in my parish who are in favor of women priests.  My "being raised" to this lay-leader position would bring even more attention to the debate here about women priests.  My gut tells me not to accept the offer.  But could I, in a position of leadership in the parish, possible bring about some changes?  Bring more orthodoxy, more devotions, more Catholicism to the parish?  For example, we do not have Stations of the Cross offered during Lent - is this a way to bring more orthodox Catholicism to this progressive little parish?

I am torn and do not know what to think.  I will certainly pray and ask for guidance, but if anyone has an opinion I would be willing to hear it.  I am in the middle of the desert right now - only small glimmers of light come to me.  I know now is not the time to make a change, until this time of personal spiritual darkness is over, but....  I am conflicted.  Of course, this could just be the adversary baiting me and trying to get me to change my focus. 

And then there is this:  the primary reason my husband gives for not attending this parish is because of two men in the parish.  Guess who they are?  One is the current lay leader.  The other has accepted the offer to be another.  I already have to be careful that I do not mention these two men's names to my husband - what would it mean to be working very closely with them?  I don't know.  Please pray for me as I try to make this decision - and any good advice would be appreciated.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well ma'am; even though I most surely comprise a tiny fraction of your vast readership and actually I'm going through some times myself when...let's say I envy the small glimmers of light that you get, I'm going to offer some impressions of mine that don't even amount to an "opinion".

First, as you know the accurate concept of introversion has nothing to do with sociability per se, so it indeed won't be an issue.

I'm not sure that this "Communion/Word Service" that you mention corresponds to the "Eucharistic Celebrations" that we have here; if so, the "lay person" in question would be an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion. Regarding your worry that some may wrongly construe it as a Mass, the truth is that they will do it and there's nothing you can do about it. From what could gather based on my local experience, the ordained clergy doesn't address the issue and even takes advantage of that confusion since it enables Eucharistic Celebrations and Ministers to replace Masses and priests more frequently than they could/should. And there's also the shocking true that only a minory of church-going Catholics nowadays has a solid understanding of what a Mass is anyway...a couple of weeks ago I was saddened when my parish pastor, whom I regarded as fairly orthodox by our local standards, on more than one occasion attempted to tackle the issue of why people must go to church and said that it was to...listen to and meditate on the Word of God. On the Eucharist, the Sacrifice of the Mass and its blessings, etc., zilch. I guess they probably judge this dumbed-down understanding to be more "inclusive", "ecumenical", or just plain easier...

On the other hand, there may be the case that the confusion you perceive may come from their unwillingness to perform the celebrations in question according to the respective rubrics/regulations. Then, if you really decide to go on with it, you could research on sites such as USCCB or EWTN, or ask the help of an orthodox parish priest blogger (Fr. PNP, for example), study them, then ask the lay person in question on a no-strings-attached basis all the respective parish and diocesan training material involving the role you are considering assuming and compare them with the rules and then approach the parish staff with your homework done and have a reasonable estimation of whether or not you will be able to act by the book.

(continue...)

Anonymous said...

The point you make about reaching leadership to bring about change, take a look at this post, that although on another subject, addresses the issue with more factor you might want to take into account. Also remember that post I linked to you before; no change will happen without the parish priest being in accordance with it, and recall how splendidly Steve Kellmeyer described the usual modus operandi that modern-day parish priests reserve for those parishioners who don't fit the criteria of what they perceive as their "target audience".

Something that Fr. PNP mentioned in that Esther homily of his regarding "submitting our pride to some healthy, public humiliation" struck me as something worth for me to consider more in my life, and it occurs to me that perhaps your desire to assume a public parish role may be fueled by a similar consideration. What I have to say about that is that we must never forget the difference between giving up our vanity for the good of others and compromising our values to please others, which we certainly should never, ever do for anyone (hard to do when the "anyone" is family).

To finish I would like to say that you may not feel good but from the outside perspective your efforts to serve God and improve your spiritual life in the Church exude sincerity, and no matter the outcome, certainly make God pleased (wish I could feel that way about myself...).

You and your family are already included in my early morning Rosary.

Hope all above at least makes some sense.

Shelly said...

Matheus - "vast readership" :-). I really appreciate the laugh that gave me! These desert times are so challenging - maybe one day I'll write about it. Right now it is too raw and I am still in the middle of it (hopefully at least the middle). You will remain in my prayers as well - thank you for including me in yours.

I appreciate you writing your impressions, and the link. Once I'm recovered sufficiently from last evening - not the speaking, but the interactions with so many people I don't know - I'll put up some more obvservations.

Shelly said...

Matheus, thanks for the uplifting words you gave me. I was too tired to respond to that yesterday - I certainly mean to be sincere, but no, neither do I feel so great right now. Most of the little glimmers of light come from Fr PNP's homilies, so I read them religiously.

Do you have either of his prayer books? He has a wonderful Prayer for a Dark Night, and a Novena on Suffering, both of which have helped me stay the course.

My prayers are with you - I always hope people don't feel like I do right now, but it sounds like you are in a similar place. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

(If this doesn't make sense or you don't feel like posting it for any reason, it's perfectly fine.)

Thank you for a second reply. I don't have Fr. PNP's books, but this past week I exchanged a couple of e-mails with him - and just struggling to structure the issue I had in written form clarified a lot.

I'm actually in a much better situation since my last comment above, when I was still recovering from what happened the week before last when in a rather shocking way the issue that had been giving me overwhelming distress for almost the last two years finally went flatline and all the stakes I had in it became worthless.

What I realized that finally gave me release was something related to that point Fr. PNP has made in a homily: "If you are a follower of Christ, you follow The Answer. You've found what you seek; you've found your solution. That part was easy. The more difficult task is searching out and discovering the problem that the Christ solves." I wanted to understand what exactly had I done wrong to end up that way, and what I found out was that wasn't my real problem after all. It turned out I had an ulterior agenda or something. I insisted on that which caused my so much pain in the illusion that it prevented me from facing the real problem, which was another one.

The release I had from that issue still leaves me dealing with the real problem and actually changes very little in my current life, and yet it changes my whole existence, because now I'm enabled for the challenge of relying exclusively on God's mercy without the pain and anxiety. And if I can't rely exclusively on God's mercy without feeling apathetic and lazy (or without seeing my apathy and laziness in the mirror...), so be it; it's my fault, not God's.

I used to pray fervently for the big watershed, the overwhelming "moment of grace" that would knock my socks off, when I needed nothing of the sort. I just needed to finally let go of an unsubstantiated assumption, a misguided/stillborn/unfeasible "dream".

If the following is completely unrelated to the nature of your problem, ignore it, but something that you wrote on the next post "I know where I want to be, even if I don't know the way." definitely rang a bell. "Where (or what) I wanted to be" was exactly the blind spot that prevented me from seeing the reality of my problem.

What you wrote to me, to hang in there, is perfect. It's sad but sometimes things have to get worse before they get better and even though we remain adamant in our faith and trust on Divine Providence we are just unable to make full use of it on a practical level.

Now for today, cheer up, ma'am. Conclave Day...! :)