Facebook: The Illusion of Intimacy

(I'll probably offend some people here.  Oh well!)

I prefer to read books - you know, the real kind, with covers and paper pages.  I do like my e-reader, and use it for specific types of reading, but if I am really going to sit down and read a book, I want a BOOK.  When interacting with people, I prefer face-to-face, but am also content with letters or email because I can tell a lot about someone by what they write.  I do not like the phone.  I abhor texting.  Facebook communication for me, is somewhere in between the phone and texting.

I use Facebook for a specific purpose.  When I first created an account it was merely so I could check out potential new employees.  Recently a couple of friends suggested FB as a more convenient way to stay in touch.  I found out I could have almost all of my daily reading located in one place, and could also see what my Friends were up to .  I enjoy the one group to which I belong, and it has been nice to keep up with people I "used to know" but who have moved away, and to connect with like-minded people whom I would probably never meet any other way.  But my primary reason for being on FB is informative. 

Articles.  News Items.  Prayers.  Homilies.  This is what comes into my newsfeed.  I tend to use FB as a tool.  Sure, I like the funny things that pop up - the family photos - the craft you just created - the trip you've been on - the new baby - the "here's what I want to do with the rest of my life" post.  And perhaps this makes me an unusual person on FB, but that is not why I'm there.  So when people ("friends") I don't know send me a message and then act offended when I don't respond, or if I get one too many silly facebook games from one person ... you know, the "post this to your page" or "well since you liked my status you now have to do thus and such"... guess what?  I am very quick to unfriend.  People I know, people who are my Friends - that is different.  But if you don't know me, don't presume that you do.

That is what I mean by the illusion of intimacy.  Just because we are FB friends doesn't mean we're Friends.  And if we are Friends?  Then you'll know it because I have your email address or phone number or I see you on a regular basis.  I can count my Friends on one hand, and my close acquaintances on the other.  

I'm only closing in on 30 FB-friends, because I've unfriended some who didn't meet my high standards and I'm very careful of whom I accept as a friend.  So if you are on that exclusive list?  You must be pretty awesome!! :-) 

What Do People Need to Hear?

A good friend, has posted on his blog a statement/question:  Where Catholic Preaching Needs to Go....?  This is one among many things close to my heart.  Preaching - Homilies - Sermons.  So when I saw this, I thought I would propose my own somewhat rambling thoughts on the subject.  First, I am just a "pew-sitter." I have little training or education in theology, slightly more than a little education in writing and literature, but lots of experience in listening to homilies.  I will seek out homilies to read and hear.  Most of the time I am disappointed.  My friend, Father Philip N. Powell, OP, produces consistently good to excellent homilies, as do Msgr. Charles Pope and Fr. Lawrence Lew, OP.  But in general, most other homilies I read or hear are hit or miss. 

Maybe I'm doing something wrong?  So I searched for what I should be looking for in a homily, and came across this excellent piece by Fr. Peter John Cameron, OP.  He lists seven points for listeners who want to know "How to Listen to a Homily."  I think it is also a good thing to read for those who want to know "How to Write a Homily."  I won't rehash what he writes, but if you have the time, go over and read what he has written.  I think it will be well worth your time.

But what do I find so disappointing?  So often I find only a facsimile of the faith - I want good, strong, genuine Catholicism, and instead hear "Catholic-light", or "I'm OK, you're OK".  Let's all get together, get along, and have a wonderful group hug around this table where we have a weekly community together-meal, with this Jesus-guy who loves us all and isn't going to really judge us but only love us just as we are no matter what we are doing....  Yippee! 

Msgr. Pope wrote an article about the differences between men and women, here.  He posits that men seek to be challenged and women are more comfortable being consoled.  I always knew I was a little different, because I seek to be challenged.  I'll hear one of those pop-psychology sermons and want to scream:  But you didn't SAY anything!!!  While I hear other women gushing:  Oh, what a wonderful sermon!  Really?  What did you put in your coffee this morning?!?  This is probably the reason that the faith formation group I facilitate is primarily populated by men.  Recent, and recurring topics, like "Hell", "Purgatory", "Fear of God", "Pride" may not cater to the female sensibilities.  Two weeks ago I ended our final prayer with "Repent!  And believe in the Gospel!", and last week "Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner!"  We don't hear this during the homily, so my inner-Baptist-preacher comes out on Monday nights and I get all-fired up and teach what needs to be taught. 

What is that exactly?  What do I, sitting here in the pew, want and need to hear?  And what do I think my fellow pew-sitters need to hear? 

"Abandon your wickedness and believe in the Lord!!" 

Well, OK, maybe not that strong, but that's the general idea.  So many people don't seem to know Who Jesus is.  The 60's/70's hippy Jesus seems to be the general consensus around here.  Peace, love, acceptance, tolerance....  But really, Who Is He?  Why should He matter to me, now in 2013?  What is meant by a "living God?"  Is Jesus really present, here, now?  What kind of relationship should I strive for?  What kind of relationship should I expect?  A personal relationship?  What does that really mean?  A Sacramental relationship?  And what does this relationship with Jesus have to do with my relationship with the Church? 

I see a problem of belief.  Jesus, to me, is....  There is this idea that whatever or whomever I feel Jesus is for me is who Jesus is.  There is little emphasis on the Jesus of Scripture.  This Jesus, who is fully human AND fully divine.  I think in so many ways, priests and others involved in teaching the faithful need to back up, full-stop, and ask:  Who is Jesus?  Why should I believe in Him?  As a preacher and teacher, you need to be sure of your own relationship - for you can't preach what you don't have or what you don't believe.  Your preaching will come from your relationship, your prayer, your study, your meditation.  Be clear in your own mind and heart, and that will shine forth in your homilies. 

Be clear in definitions of commonly used but misunderstood words:  Love is a prime example.  God loves me, so I can do whatever I want, and He will still love me.  Well, OK, sure, sort of - but why does it always have to be about me?  And what is Love, as in the theological virtue, which is called "charity"?  If we define charity as "love of God", how does that change our perception of "love?"  Maybe it doesn't, but I think it probably will.  Yes, God loves us, but what does that mean???  And how should that affect the way we live, our relationship with Him and with those around us, our relationship with the Church? 

Seriously discuss and explain the Incarnation.  Ho-hum.  God became man.  Nothing special there.  WHAT?!?  This is what I hear - well, OK, not in those words, but it is how people live, as if it really doesn't mean anything. 

Mystery - expound on mystery, on its beauty, and its difficulty, and its necessity. 

Ask hard questions.  Challenge.  Provoke (within reason, of course!).  Speak of current events and how our faith should inform the decisions we must make in our everyday lives.  Know what your people are hearing and seeing and experiencing in their daily lives, and allow the Gospel to address those issues.  Be brave!  Ask hard questions of your congregation - acknowledge that they are hard questions.  Ask these same questions of yourself, and be honest with your answers.  Fr. Martin Fox, in his homily for this weekend, asked this question: 

"If Jesus came to your house today, would he challenge you on anything?"

 

Wow!  Did I want to be asked that?  Do I really want to think about that?  But I can answer that question honestly and truthfully ONLY if I have an understanding of who Jesus is and what my relationship to Him is.

 

I don't really like the expression "meet the people where they are," but it seems appropriate for those who set about preaching.  Start at the beginning.  Jesus.  Begin here - not the wishywashy Jesus, but introduce people to the Jesus of the Gospels.  If your relationship with Him is strong and solid, it will come out in your homilies.  If you know Him, it will come out in your homilies.  So, sure meet people where they are and meet them where you are ... but don't stay there!  Move together toward the Lord, toward the perfection for which He created you.  Each step you take should be closer and closer to Him, so you may hear Him and understand that He wants to, both for priests and laity alike, "make you worthy of your calling...." (2 Thes 1:22)

 

 

The Healing

Wash me with Your blood.
Twenty years of pain,
unrelenting scourging,
thorns,

never felt:
until now.
Cover me with Your blood.
Weigh me down with The Cross.

My Lord and my God.
Only with You can I climb.
Only with You

can I walk.

Idols of Our Own Making

There are days this path to holiness really annoys me!  I'll be limping along, thinking I'm doing OK, getting closer to where I want to be, learning more, knowing more, more, more, more!!  Then I will have a sudden realization that I have been completely missing something - a sin, a failing, an imperfection.  Something so patently obvious, how could I miss it?  And I can choose to either wallow in self-reflective-guilt or accept the revelation as another chance to embrace humility.  I need a lot of those chances - to embrace humility.  Of course, wallowing in guilt is just a form of pride, so that is always a temptation...and it sure seems much easier, or at least more pleasant, than allowing myself to experience humility.  I do my fair share of wallowing, but with the grace of God I am SLOWLY learning to accept His requests to humble myself. 

So what did I realize recently?  First Commandment - making idols out of things other than God.  Surely I don't do that.... but guess, what?  I do.  Usually not with the intent of making them idols, but they become more important than God and therefore block my view of Him and block my path to Him.  We can make just about anything into an idol, even things that are "good".  What do you
"worship" alongside your worship of God?  Money, status, knowledge...?  I never considered this a problem, but now this past week with this realization, I have come to know that indeed I do have this tendency within me.  Just another step on the path to perfection - and one of those days when I am glad the way is sometimes covered in fog . . . .

God bless.

Thoughts

Parents, having received the sacred gift of human life in your marriage, our Lord calls you to be holy models of Christian living in your "domestic church" who represent the loving union of Christ and His Bride, the Church. . . in a great many families today there has been a deterioration and loss of Christian values. . . parents often consider economics, physical appearance, or social status more important than becoming holy signs of the loving union of Christ and His Church. . . teaching Catholic faith and morals to their children is not even a consideration or possibility. For they do not know the faith themselves. The greatest tragedy is that many of their children have left the Church without ever developing into mature believing and practicing Catholics.  . . DO YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON THE SUBJECT?  (From Friar Mariano D Veliz, OP, Facebook Page)

First is the realization that our children are a sacred gift.  If we truly see them as the gift they are, then our perspective as parents will of necessity reflect that realization.  For if we see our children as gifts from God, we will align our lives and our priorities around the nurturing of that gift and the proper focus of our own lives as parents will shift toward God.

Unfortunately, I do not often see this attitude.  But I live in an "unchurched" area, and I am the only person with young children who regularly attends our parish church.  My older son is THE altar boy.  We have not had religious education for more than two years, with the exception of the confirmation prep class for last Fall's Confirmation.  Church, God, religious training is seen as secondary to just about everything else: school, sports, television programs, farm work, etc....  The loss of Christian values I see is a skewing of priorities more than anything else. 

I do think most of this comes from the parents' lack of knowledge of the Faith.  I sat in on the Confirmation Prep classes and was often appalled at what was being taught - or not taught.  This was not done maliciously, but occurred because parents had volunteered to teach, these parents had not been properly vetted but were only chosen to teach because they were the only ones to volunteer and their children were the ones preparing for Confirmation.  None of the Confirmed have returned to Church on any regular basis - the families have not returned to participate in the Sacramental Life of the Church.  One family would attend, but there are other difficulties and the Catholic parent is not often here and the non-Catholic parent is not bringing the children.  With the exception of this one family, the Faith is just not a priority.  In their list of priorities, it comes very close the the bottom.

In fairness, those of us born in the wake of Vatican II were poorly catechized.  I grew up attending Catholic Schools exclusively, but we did not talk about God or the Faith at home.  In response to family situations, I retreated into my own world which involved a choice to take God, Mary, Jesus as my true family - I found my Mother's 1962 St. Joseph's Missal and taught myself the Faith from that - I developed a deep love and trust and reliance upon God and the Church.  But I was unusual, for I held onto that all the way through high school.  Without the Church I most likely would not have survived to report back about my childhood.  It was my lifeline - God was foremost in my life, and at the risk of sounding like a Southern Baptist, Jesus was literally my Lord and my Savior. 

Then with unexpected swiftness, all that was gone.  I still believed, I still considered myself Catholic, but I became very angry at God and ceased to practice the Faith.  Within those years of anger, both of my boys were born.  It took another life event to bring me back to the Faith.  I can only credit those early years of devotion and utter reliance for my reconversion.  God had been calling me to return for quite a while, but it took a Divine 2x4 to bring me to my knees and rekindle my understanding of my dependence upon God. 

But if people did not have that early Faith - and so many of my generation have a weak and immature understanding - what are they going to turn to as their life progresses?  The world - the secular culture.  Will they raise their children in the Faith?  They will mean to, they will have every intention to do so - but without any understanding or knowledge of the fullness of the Faith, their passing on of the Faith will be lukewarm at best.  They will easily turn to New Age or occult practices because they don't know any better.  They will be absent from the Parish Life because they honestly do not realize the importance.

My older son chose at the age of 12 to join the Church.  I taught him using the "old" materials (Baltimore Catechism).  It was actually in teaching him that my old fire was re-ignited.  He is now, at 14, very serious about his Faith, and he has made me more serious about mine.  Recognizing my responsibility, understanding my role as given to me by God, has deepened my desire to grow toward holiness.  I take all this very seriously, because I know what the lack of God - the choice to be without God - does to a life.  My younger son has been expressing for a while his desire to be a priest, and talks about God and Jesus as if they are right next to him.  He's only five, but it warms my heart to hear him and watch him grow with the understanding that God is real and alive right here and right now. 

My husband has not returned to the Faith.  I take much responsibility for that - perhaps I shouldn't, but I do.  The older son understands to some extent why Dad doesn't attend Holy Mass - and he prays that his Father will return.  The younger son, asks why he has to go if Dad doesn't go and prefers to stay home with Dad.  For me, this is the most challenging part.  I do believe that BOTH parents need to agree with and practice the Faith, for their own benefit and for the benefit of their children.  It has been shown that when Fathers are more involved in the Faith Life, that children will tend to stay involved as they get older.  Fathers have a lot of influence here. 

That doesn't mean a Mother has no influence, but God created us Man and Woman - he joined us in Holy Matrimony and gave us a commission to raise our children to know, love, and serve Him; to love him with whole heart, mind, body, soul, spirit.....  This is best done within that structure of marriage, best done within the parameters given to us by God.  We need to return to a correct understanding of family.  We need to return to a full support of family.  Where to begin?  Now that's the million dollar question.  I fear we have lost a lot of ground when as a Church we didn't continue to emphasize correct Church teachings and left a generation or two or three to flounder around on their own in an increasingly hostile world.

These are just initial thoughts.  I may come back and add to them, edit them, but I think they contain a fair sampling of my current understanding on this subject. 

St Maria Goretti

Friday last, July 19, I journeyed to St. Cecilia Parish where the Treasures of the Church traveling relics exhibit was being held.  This parish usually has Eucharistic Adoration and Benediction Fridays, so I drove directly there once getting off the ferry, and was able to experience Adoration (which my parish does not have)for an hour.  Then the presentation began, and we were encouraged to look for the saint who spoke to us.  I knew before I walked over to the exhibit area that St. Maria Goretti was the saint who was "speaking to me."  I had heard her story when I was young, and it was impressed upon us that she was a saint because she had preferred death rather than allowing herself to be raped.  I'm sure this was slanted in this way for good and noble reasons, but it came to be a guilt-inducing story for me.  As Fr. Carlos Martins talked about her, though, he emphasized the forgiveness aspect of her story and I felt a shift within me.  Rather amazing, really - so I found her relic very quickly.  The next day during confession, my confessor mentioned St. Maria Goretti to me, so I am getting the "hint" that perhaps I should study more about her and ask for her intercession. 

Healing, not physical, but mental/emotional/spiritual occurred that night.  Whether it was from the shift in focus in the story, the intercession of St. Maria Goretti, or something else doesn't matter to me.  I'll accept it and am so very thankful.

Salty Nettle Chips

Hello, fellow islanders - wondering what to do with all that Nettle growing in your yard? Sure, there's nettle tea, nettle pesto, use it like spinach in your soups, make clothes out of it (really!!) . . . but here's a new one, at least new to me: 

Try This Out: Salty Nettle Chips 

4/13/2012 3:33:51 PM 

by Erin McIntosh 

The stinging trichomes that make nettles famous will lose their biting ferocity as you glaze and dry the leaves. No need to worry about stung tongues! You will need a good pair of thick gloves and garden shears when harvesting though. Look for the young tender tops in spring and early summer, before the plant goes to flower or seed. Snip the plant about 6 inches from the top and collect in a paper bag or basket.

This is a super healthy, easy, and delicious recipe. Feel free to experiment with different spice combinations, finely grated cheeses, oils, or vinegars for a variety of flavors. Any leftover leaves can be juiced, added to pizza, smoothies, curries, breads, scrambles, or dried for tea, and the stems can be used to make rope. (Another fun nettle project I plan to tackle this year!)

- 20-40 freshly harvested nettle leaves

- 2.5 tsp organic extra virgin olive oil

- 1 tbsp organic rice wine vinegar

- 1-2 tbsp organic shoyu, soy sauce, tamari, or Braggs

- 1-2 cloves of garlic, crushed

- 2-3 tbsp nutritional yeast

- Fresh ground organic black pepper to taste

Directions 

Wearing gloves, harvest your nettles, rinse with cool water, and dry. Separate the leaves by breaking the petiole (leaf stem) from the main stem. Mix all of the glaze ingredients together in a bowl. Add the nettle leaves and gently toss until each leaf is well coated. You should be able to remove your gloves at this point. On a parchment paper lined cookie sheet, unravel each delicate leaf. Place pan in a warm oven at 200 degrees and allow the leaves to slowly dehydrate. After 15 to 20 minutes, peel each leaf off of the parchment paper and flip over so the other side can crisp in the oven. Check your nettles every 5 to 10 minutes until they lose sogginess and become nice and crunchy. Be careful not to let them char and turn dark brown or black. Total cooking time can vary between 30 and 45 minutes. Once you reach the desired crispiness, remove and allow to cool. Store in an airtight glass container for up to a week or possibly longer…if they aren’t devoured by then!

Read more: http://www.motherearthliving.com/food-matters/try-this-out-salty-nettle-chips.aspx?state=c90082ac-c2e1-442b-9486-55b8294f5b1f&authError=a0cf8a42-d43b-43eb-9c28-699899067b70#ixzz2YYfl47F6

Try This Out: Salty Nettle Chips

www.motherearthliving.com

These nettle chips are deliciously unique and packed with nutrients. Try this perfectly satisfying salty snack in early spring.

St. Juan de la Cruz

Of late, St. John of the Cross' poems have been calling me to read them.  I find so much of my own spiritual journey within his poetry.  I am so far from being in this place where "My soul is disentangled from every created thing", but it is the direction I hope to be going.  Darkness, fear, and struggling through my past and all the guilt ... but poetry and music (obviously the "good" kind!) really help me, draw me toward Him, toward my Father in Heaven.  And for the moments I can immerse myself in them, all the fear/darkness/guilt are erased.  Now I just need to find my way back over to St. Mary Parish for their excellent men's chant choir at the Saturday Vigil.  It is hard to justify the 8 hours of total time it entails for me to travel to that parish, which (except for my territorial mission parish) is the closest to us, just so I can be lifted up by their beautiful Liturgy and Music. But when I can make it over, it is completely worth it.

A gloss (with spiritual meaning).

Without support yet with support,
living without light, in darkness,
I am wholly being consumed.

1. My soul is disentangled
from every created thing
and lifted above itself
in a life of gladness
supported only in God.
So now it can be said
that I most value this:
My soul now sees itself
without support yet with support.

2. And though I suffer darknesses
in this mortal life,
that is not so hard a thing;
for even if I have no light
I have the life of heaven.
For the blinder love is
the more it gives such life,
holding the soul surrendered,
living without light in darkness.

3. After I have known it
love works so in me
that whether things go well or badly
love turns them to one sweetness
transforming the soul in itself.
And so in its delighting flame
which I am feeling within me,
swiftly, with nothing spared,
I am wholly being consumed.

Faith formation tonight

Tonight at the Faith Formation Group we will be discussing the 5 Disciplines of Discipleship, from Msgr. Charles Pope's Blog.  The article is well worth the time if you haven't read it yet.

More Torture :-)

Before you ask:  yep, this one was slightly painful.  It is quite a different stretch!

"On Being Prudent...."

From "The Imitation of Christ" by Thomas a' Kempis, ch. 4.2:  

"It is wise, therefore, to act slowly, not to trust entirely our own opinions, or to accept every tale and quickly pass it along to the next one.  Seek advice from a wise person of good conscience and be instructed by that person rather than follow your own way.  A good life will make you wise in the ways of God and will broaden your experience.  If you are humble and submissive to God's will, you will have peace in all you do."

375

That's how many tent caterpillars I removed from my strawberry plants this morning.  375.  I'm on the warpath.  They'd best steer clear of my strawberries!!

Wild Rose

I was never
A girl who liked pink,

But thorns I understand.

Birthday Dinner

It was my husband's birthday yesterday.  Yes, I married a younger man! He's an entire year and a half my junior.  Filet with sautéed mushrooms, sweet potato, spinach salad from the garden, and Cola cake for dessert.  Here's dinner:

Receive as though it is your last . . . .

I'm not sure what made today different.  I lead the Rosary prior to Holy Mass, and one faithful person had joined me in the small Eucharistic chapel of our church.  It kept getting louder and louder outside the door, and I could tell she was having a hard time hearing me.  As we began the fourth decade, suddenly a thought interrupted - a thought that I might not experience what it is like to lose my hearing, I might not get old enough, I might die before "old age".  I had to stop to recollect myself, as unbidden and sudden tears invaded my prayer.

As we progressed through the Liturgy of the Eucharist, this thought returned as I considered that this could be the last Eucharist I ever received. . . this was the closest I could get to Heaven here on earth . .  the closest union between me and my Lord.  There were tears in my eyes and on my face as I received.  All I could see was Him.  My focus was sharpened and singular.  My prayer, to grant me the grace I need so that I may be with Him.  "Stay with me, Lord. . . Death approaches. . . I fear the darkness. . ."

To the best of my knowledge I am not under threat of imminent death.  I don't know why this thought  came to me.  But I am incredibly grateful for the grace, at that moment, to have been able to focus so entirely on the presence of Jesus in the Eucharist; to see only His Presence as everything else faded out in that brief moment; to realize that this life is transitory and I need to turn myself completely over to Him so that I will find myself finally united with Him for all eternity.

Dial 1-800-CHR-ISTI

I went down to my favorite place today, to partake of one of my favorite things:  a Day of Recollection at the Carmelite Institute of Spirituality in Stanwood, WA.  The back way I had to take because of the bridge collapse ended up being shorter and much nicer.  It reminded me of home, driving through agricultural areas, with fields, and tractors, and cattle.  I think even once the bridge is re-built I will continue to travel that way.

Fr. Laurence Poncini, OCD, (Mt. Angel House of Studies) was visiting and gave a talk on Claude Newman.  Ever heard of him?  I hadn't, but his story is very intriguing.  I highly recommend you taking the time to read it.

One part I especially liked was when he was describing Our Lady telling him about confession:  "You know, the Lady said that Confession is something like a telephone. We talk through the priest to God, and God talks back to us through the priest."    Fr. Laurence said he really liked how modern Mary was . . . he supposed that today we'd say "cell phone", or if we really liked the priest we could call him a "smart phone"!! :-)

I have been quite impressed with these Carmelites.  I'm never in a hurry to leave.  And I have yet to have one say he didn't have time to hear my confession.  

I-5 Bridge Collapse UPDATED

Yep, I've been over that bridge numerous times.  Amazing there were so few cars on it when it collapsed, as it is a very busy bridge.  Now I'll need to find another way to get where I need to get.  The side roads are not designed for an extra 70,000 plus cars a day!

Thank God no one was killed.

"Most merciful Lord Jesus! by Thine agony and bloody sweat, and by Thy death, deliver me, I beseech Thee, from a sudden and unprovided death. O most gentle Lord Jesus! by Thy cruel and ignominious scourging and crowning with thorns, by Thy cross and most bitter Passion, and by Thy goodness, I humbly pray Thee, let me not die unprepared and pass from this life without the Holy Sacraments. Jesus, my best Beloved, my Lord! by all Thy labours and sorrows, by Thy precious Blood, and by Thy most holy Wounds, and by those last words spoken on the cross by Thee: "Deus meus, Deus meus, ut quid dereliquisti me?? - "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" and again: "Pater, in manus tuas commendo spiritum meum," - "Father, into Thy hands I commend my spirit," most ardently I pray Thee, save me from a sudden death. Thy hands, O Redeemer! have wholly made and formed me: ah! suffer not death to take me unawares; give me, I beseech Thee,time for penance; vouchsafe that I may pass from this life happily in Thy grace, that I may love Thee with my whole heart, and praise and bless Thee forever and ever.
Amen.
Our Father... Hail Mary... Glory Be To The Father..."  (from Catholic.org)

And while I'm at it:  Go to confession!  

You know it's going to be a bad week . . .

. . .When Sunday afternoon involves more bleeding than one would expect from a relatively small puncture wound (got the vein).

. . .You've gotten a tetanus shot before 9am on Monday.  The shot was surprisingly painless...thanks to my husband's totally awesome Medical Assistant.

. . .You know that anytime you get a shot to just plan on being down for the count for three days.  BUT you still have a big Medicare report to finish up, children to wrangle, classes to teach.

So, here I am, not doing as badly as I'd expected.  I'm very sore from my shoulder all the way up to my jaw (from the shot), quite tired, with even the slightest physical effort my muscles begin to shake. One more day, then I'll feel better . . . I hope!!

Lying is intrinsically evil...pass it on

Father Maurer's article on lying. 

Apparently, this is "gross"!

So, I've been busy and this month will only intensify in the amount of busy-ness I will have to contend with.  But, since I still teach gymnastics, I do still work-out a little.  Remember that picture a while back where I said maybe one day I'd be able to touch my foot?  Well, guess what?

 

So, now I can touch my foot - barely!  Glad I have long fingers :-).  Next goal?  Grabbing my foot!  My husband looked at this picture and said:  "Gross!"  I'm thinking, no, actually, gross would be if I could actually reach over and touch my nose with my toes - but not to worry:  Not happenin'!!

 

 

Me and Frogs

Actual frogs - the green, ribbetty kind.  I've always had this affinity for frogs.  When I was quite young (under 6 because we still lived in Mobile), I apparently freaked my Mom out because I had gone outside and found the largest bullfrog I could find, brought it into the house, and proceeded to take a bath with it.  I'm chuckling right now as I think back.  Then in high school, sitting in the bleachers at a football game (I was in the band, but couldn't march because of some weird thing with one of my knees), this boy came up to me and gave me a paper bag and asked me to look inside.  Guess he wasn't expecting the reaction I had, because when I looked in and saw a large frog I was very happy:  "Ohhhh, a frog!!!" - and he was very confused.  Sure, we dissected frogs in Biology lab, but, well, that didn't bother me at all.  Pretty cool, actually.  The smell of formaldehyde still brings back good frog-dissection memories. 

So last night, when my older son came up to the bathroom as we were all getting ready for bed, carrying very carefully a good-sized tree frog to show his younger brother, I was all excited to see the frog too.  My husband said "I don't want any frogs  in the house".  So we (my two boys and I) retreated to my older son's bathroom, and had fun looking at and observing the frog for awhile.  Not a big bullfrog, but small, light green with some red and black - built for climbing trees. 

I like frogs.  Have no idea why.  But really, they are quite interesting.  Here's a picture of the kind of frog of which I am speaking:

Pseudacris regilla
Northern Pacific Treefrog
(picture from californiaherps.com)

Any long grooves behind you?

H/T to Holy Souls Hermitage .

"I'm the greatest sinner...."

Go on over to Fr. George D Byers' blog for this interesting post.  As always, he gives us something to read and think about.  I particularly liked this quote: 

"We’re all the greatest sinners. We have all crucified the Son of the Living God and the Divine Son of the Immaculate Conception because of original sin and our own sins. But more than that, because we have sinned individually, and because our dear Lord, yes, in all His goodness and kindness, also loves us individually, we have each of us offended that love in a way that only we, as individuals, can offend, making each of us the greatest sinners that there ever were or ever will be. None of us are good and none of us are kind. Only God is good. Only God is kind."

Verbum Domini

Ok, now I'm giddy with excitement.  Today I start with a short (hopefully easy) course on Verbum Domini.  Here

A Next Step for Me

I've been wanting to go back to school for a while now, looking toward a Masters in Theology.  So I'm starting with some non-credit courses this spring. . . Which I can change to for-credit if I decide to.  They aren't toward an MA, but instead toward a certificate.  I really didn't like school, was more than happy to be done, and almost didn't go to college.  People would see my grades and think I enjoyed school, but I did not like the competitive atmosphere and found that so much of what we were required to learn was pointless and useless.  Looking back I could have very easily skipped high school and gone right to college, with perhaps math and writing skills being the only things I would have needed from high school.  I probably could have done all of that with one year of concentrated study.  I wanted to be challenged, but wasn't.  There was a school for girls I wanted to attend, but as it was a boarding school my parents wouldn't let me go.  As a freshman I auditioned to our state's school for the arts (music) and was accepted, but again was not allowed to go.  Though that was probably for the best.  A gymnastics coach invited me to train with him in TX with his high school team.  There were opportunities, but my parents kept me close to home.  As a junior in HS I applied for, and was accepted to, the summer scientific seminar at the US Air Force Academy but couldn't go.  Now, I look toward furthering my education, doing something about which I have some passion.  Please keep me in your prayers as I venture back out into the academic world.  I am finding it to be a somewhat daunting step.

Who is that crazy woman...

...outside grilling in the rain?  That would be me.  Another "freezer-dinner" night, as we are trying to clean out the freezer to defrost and then re-fill.  Regular sirloin, rare to medium rare with spinach salad, sweet potato fries and homemade rosemary focaccia bread.  Leftover sirloin for steak sandwiches tomorrow.   Maybe I'll make some pita bread for the sandwiches.  Hmmmmm....

Now to chop lots of onions, the end of the storage onions I planted last year.  They've kept for 6 months so now I'll chop them and freeze for longer storage.  Tomorrow I'll be putting up a small greenhouse, weather permitting, and can get seeds started for summer planting.  Being outside working in the garden keeps me sane!

Happy weekend!

"Dignity" Draft (Comments appreciated)

I have been working on a short article, hopefully to become a series of articles focusing on life issues.  I am looking for constructive criticism - especially paragraph 3, because I have written and re-written it and am still not satisfied.  I will continue to work on it, so it may change from day to day.  It has taken me a while to get this written - I had forgotten how difficult it is to write with a small child running around :-).

My hope is to engender discussion, leading up to a summer series of talks.  I am looking pretty small, parish-level, perhaps community churches as well, but have felt called to do this even though it is not in my nature to stand-out too much.

Each week I looked forward to teaching this one particular group.  They were certainly the least “advanced” students in the gym, with the least potential for athletic development, but they were also the ones from whom I learned the most.  From these students I learned of the beauty of life.  I learned first-hand of the innate dignity given to all of us, no matter what society might say, for I do think some would have found these students lacking in dignity.  But through their joyful, exuberant participation in the life they were given I was shown otherwise.

Do we possess dignity only when our lives are perfect?  Only when we possess good health, good looks, a good job, youth, vigor, happiness?  Is dignity only a product of the potential we have to improve ourselves, to advance, to make more or do more?  No.  For as long as we are alive we have an inherent dignity borne out of our inescapable relationship with God.  He is our Creator.  We are His creatures, and we are “created . . .in His image.”  (G1:27)  We were formed (created) “of dust from the ground” (Gen 2:7), and after God breathed the “breath of life…man became a living being.” (Gen 2:7).  Scripture shows that our existence was willed, not created from some accident or as a by-product of some other process.  But created on-purpose, indeed, created for a purpose.  Man “alone is called to share, by knowledge and love, in God’s own life.  It was for this end that he was created, and this is the fundamental reason for his dignity.”  (CCC356)

 “The dignity of man rests above all on the fact that he is called to communion with God…for if man exists, it is because God has created him through love, and through love continues to hold him in existence.  He cannot live fully according to truth unless he freely acknowledges that love and entrusts himself to his creator.” (CCC 27 – from VatII – I have this in my notes, will include in final draft)    Living fully in dignity hinges upon our  “communion with God.”  Each person’s dignity is directly linked back to their creation in His image.  We are, each one of us, an expression of God.  When we strive to acknowledge and bind ourselves to Him, when we recognize that through our lives and actions God’s plans can be made known, then we can begin to reach out to Him, finding ourselves drawn to His perfection and coming to union with Him.  In some ways, it may seem that our perception of dignity is tied into our perception of our relationship with God.  Do we perceive His call to us?  Do we sense Him drawing us closer to Him?  But the reality is, since we exist, we have a relationship with God whether or not we admit it, whether or not we perceive it.

Did the students I spoke of at the outset perceive or admit their relationship with God?  I can’t answer that.  These students were all mentally, and many physically, disabled.  Very few could speak.  But they had an inborn relationship with God.  Created by Him, they shared in His life.  Very simply, without deep theological knowledge or awareness, but sharing in His love all the same:  “God has created him through love, and through love continues to hold him in existence.”  Each one of those students existed because of the love of our Creator.  And even if they didn’t know it, His love shone forth from each one of them. 

I remember one man in particular.  He was one of the youngest in the group, probably in his early twenties.  Unable to speak, his arms were disfigured as well – not fully formed, bent permanently at the elbows, stopping before the wrist.  By our society’s criteria, his existence was not a useful one.  And yet in him, I saw God.  In his deformed body, and simple mind there existed such a radiant joy, that I couldn’t help but smile with gratitude each time I saw him.  And I wondered, how could anyone say this young man did not possess dignity?  How could anyone say it would have been better had he not been born? 

Who gets to choose who will live and who will die?  Who creates the criteria which determines the worth or value given to a specific life?  At what point do we become complicit in the Culture of Death, either by our actions or inaction?  It was not until recently that I realized my own complicity in this Culture of Death enveloping our county, a complicity born out of laziness and fear; a complicity which has emboldened the enemy because of the yawning silence of so many.  Nor was it until recently that I looked at the numbers and realized that in this country alone more than 18% of pregnancies were ended through legal, induced abortions – in 2009, at a rate of nearly 90 per hour (cdc).  And then I was left with questions:  Why have so many chosen to embrace death?  What evil has infected us?  Where are we as a society going when we kill our unborn children in the names of practicality and compassion…when we encourage the old and sick to kill themselves in the name of dignity?  Questions which at some level we all need to answer, and once answered we must make a decision:  can we continue to be silent?

A Must Read

If you haven't already read this post on Father George Byers' blog, I highly recommend making your way over there to read it.

Divine Mercy Experienced

Prayer request

A former student of mine (probably my favorite former student!), who is pregnant with her second child, has been on bedrest for the past 7 weeks due to preterm contractions/ threatened early labor.  Everyone is hoping for at least 3 more weeks for the health of the baby.  Please, keep her in your prayers - the health of her unborn child - her family and husband who have made many sacrifices to help her out.  

A Day of Questions

I can usually tell when there is a spiritual shift in the works - possibly in the works depending on my ability to make the shift - when I need more time in prayer, and the prayer that is needed is more on the side of contemplation/meditation.  Emotions are not an indicator, if anything they detract from my spiritual life so I have to consciously ignore them.  And I have to continually remember these words:  "Do not be afraid."

And then come the questions I ask of God:
How do I place my trust in You?
How do I find release from my worldly attachments and cling only to You?
How do I know the difference between Your Will and the tricks of the Adversary?
I am so lost and don't know how to live placing You first in my life - how does living that way relate to every day life?  to every day decisions?
What role does sin, our fallen nature, play in our fears?  For even as I reach for You, even as I desire You, I fear that ultimate union.
If the Way were made clear before me, would I have the courage to follow?

Then the prayers:
Lord Jesus, I trust in You - help me to trust even more.
Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief.
"Blessed be the Lord who schools me; late into the night my inmost thoughts chasten me." (Ps 15:7 - Knox Translation)
So much around me is not of You.  Help me to stay motivated, help me to stay on the Path.

And then the doubt:
I am afraid, and fear I shall fail.

Today's Desire

Today I woke up, got out of bed and went in to pray my morning prayers.  After just a few minutes I realized I had an overwhelming desire to go to Easter Mass right now!!  But the Mass I wanted to participate in was not the one I will be attending today at 1 pm local time.  This Mass of my Dreams would be held in a cathedral or other beautiful, old church (or a beautiful new Church!,).  When I arrive early to pray, there will already be others there, in silence, praying.  As Mass begins, the building will fill with all ages and all walks of life.  An organ and trained (or at least practiced) choir will lead us in hymns - old hymns, some in Latin.  The priest will be in stately vestments, altar boys in cassock and surplice, there will be candles in the procession.  Copious quantities of incense will be used - the good, "smells like Heaven" kind of incense.  The black will be prayed, the red will be done.  The Liturgy of the Word read by strong and prepared readers.  Homily well prepared and relevant, delivered with some passion.  Liturgy of the Eucharist to be prayed ad orientem.  Eucharistic Prayer I used, and there are kneelers in the pews!!  The Sanctus and Agnus Dei and Mysterium fidei in Latin, and no hand holding during the Lord's Prayer.  Kiss of Peace could be omitted, but if done, done reverently and quietly.  And there is an altar rail, which is used for its intended purpose.  And silence ... there are many moments of sacred silence throughout the Mass.  Then, once the Mass is finished, many people stay to pray for a few minutes, and those who leave do so in silence out of respect.  People genuflect toward the Tabernacle, which I almost forgot, is right where it is supposed to be:  centered behind the altar.

Quite the dream, isn't it?  Unfortunately we have none of this here in our little Mission Parish.  But a girl can dream, can't she?

Happy Easter!!

Happy Easter to all!  May you rejoice . . . He is risen!  Alleluia!

Holy Thursday, Rubrics and Pope Francis I

There has been much brouhaha over Pope Francis I's washing of, dare I type it?....the feet of two girls at the Holy Thursday Liturgy.  Can we all just take a collective breath here?  I've seen many people comment on this, and many of them have stated they don't want to offend anyone, well, if you want to be offended - go ahead and be offended.  Doesn't bother me any!

I may have attended a Holy Thursday Liturgy when I was young, but I don't remember it.  Tomorrow, Easter, will mark three years back with the Church.  I missed a lot in those 20 or so years I was away.  When I returned, I returned to what seemed to be a completely different Church - the Mass was not exactly as I had remembered it, there was no encouragement of devotions, very little beauty in the building, no pews, no kneelers, etc...  Well, I found that some of that was just here, and some of it was pretty universal.  Only in the past year or so did I begin to study and learn and realize that many of the changes were "illicit".  This study began in earnest with the new translation of the Mass, as I took it upon myself to learn and discover the reasons behind the changes.  But I also learned a lot more in the process, and became somewhat of a stickler for sticking to the words, actions, etc....

Last year, I was asked to be part of the foot washing on Holy Thursday Mass.  Not only did I say "no", I also launched into a lecture explaining why washing women's feet was not allowed and how we shouldn't be doing it. . . .  I'm surprised the sacristan still talks to me :-).  Part of this was a reaction to our Pastor's proclivity to playing it free and loose with the Liturgy and other specified ceremonies.  He usually sticks to the words for the Collect/Preface/Eucharistic Prayer ... though he may add some extra text here and there, but he changes other parts, leaves required sections out, and adds in some annoying (to me, at least) "explanations".  I spoke to him about this, and though not in these words, he essentially told me "to get over it, and get used to it" because he wasn't about to change.  It got to the point that I did not want to come to Mass, though I always did, and walking into the building for Holy Mass was causing me emotional distress.  I have always loved the Liturgy - even as a child, I found it beautiful and was always happy to go.  So for me to not want to assist at Mass?  It is a big thing - and honestly, I am almost back to that point again - at least here, at this Parish.

But back to the point of this post:  Holy Thursday.  Being rather annoyingly introspective, I began to think and pray about my reactions and emotions.  What I began to realize was that I enjoyed letting people know how much I knew.  Sure, the deviations bothered me, but it had become more about me, and what I knew and what they didn't know.  I was quite prideful about this.  Once I realized from where my reactions were coming, I tried to go even deeper and figure out why the changes bothered me in the first place.  I only figured it out once I was able to attend some reverent, "correct" Masses.  In those, I was able to relax.  I knew exactly what was going to happen, what was going to be said, and I could more easily focus on my internal process - my personal act of assisting at the Mass.  When the words changed, or were omitted or added to, it would throw me off and make it more difficult for me to remain focused.  I figure the specific words and actions are there for a reason (and in studying this, I KNOW they are there for a reason - most of these reasons being perfectly valid), but I also discovered that a lot of my reaction was due to me and my personality. 

Intellectually, I have many reasons why the words should not be changed, but I am not going into those today.  Today, it's all about me.  Please, go ahead and laugh at that last statement if you didn't already.  But when I was asked this year about having my feet washed, I went right back to that place of pride - I know something you don't know.  HA!  Haven't learned much over the past year, have I?  Sigh.  So when Pope Francis I washed the feet of two girls, I was saddened and bothered by it - but after thought and prayer, I pretty much got over it.  There are much bigger Liturgical fish to fry, and though we shouldn't excuse something based on "intent", I do think it is important to look at intent.  I do think, sadly, this will provide more ammunition to those who like to play free and loose with the rubrics, and I also think this is confusing to people who know what the rules are and have now seen the Pope "break" them.  But can't we look at the big picture?  Can't we think for a moment, too, that the Holy Father is human, plunked down very recently into a position for which he had not planned, and that he is perhaps still a bit like a deer in the headlights?  I think this next year will be much more telling than these first few weeks.  Were we all perfect right off the bat when we began a new job - even one for which we were eminently qualified?  Give the man a break - and then prayerfully discern your own motives.  If the foot washing bothered you, why?  If it didn't, why not?  It's good to know both sides.  It's good to look, as well, at the big picture and remember where our focus should remain:  on Christ, on the Cross, and not always so stuck in the minutia of precise adherence to rules (though they are important).

OK, rant over.  Now, back to work.

Holy Saturday

Today all I hear is the silence. . . No one else seems to hear it or want to hear it.  They surround themselves with noise and amusement.  Today is a day for prayer and reflection.  Maybe next year I'll plan better.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Good Friday

Today my desire was to find myself curled up at the foot of the Cross, allowing our Lord's blood to wash me clean.   
"We adore you O Christ, and we praise you.  Because by your Holy Cross You have redeemed the world."

There Are Days

When you have a son who, for a vocabulary assignment to write a story using all the words for the week comes up with this:

On the planet Natharaxia, sentient nettles were wreaking vengeance on their prim masters, the Unified Sector 78 Peoples.  They had come to Natharaxia with fantastic stories that captivated the nettles.  However the people sent to govern the nettles were the pedestrian Slakaars, and this nettled the nettles.  They were filled with revulsion at the Slakaars.  Over time, the Slakaars became very surly.  Eventually, an anonymous, impulsive nettle declared war on the Slakaars and exhorted others to do the same.  So, the nettles ceased making long elegies and debunking fraudulent foxgloves and went to war.  They clambered over the hills of Natharaxia and attacked the Slakaars.  Having no initiative whatsoever, the Slakaars soon surrendered.

...you begin to wonder why you try so hard.  Sigh.

Turkey-White Bean Soup

I enjoy playing in the kitchen, and every now and then I'll write down what I've come up with.  One yummy soup I came up with as a post-Thanksgiving use of turkey:

Chicken broth to pot (4 cups),
with one can drained and lightly mashed white beans (white kidney beans),
cumin, 1 tsp + (I use 1 Tablespoon),
oregano, 1 tsp,
minced garlic, 2 + cloves (I use 4 cloves),
salt, 1/4 tsp,
black pepper, 1/4 tsp,
shredded, chopped, pulled (whatever) turkey breast,
frozen corn (or fresh, off cob), 1 cup,
juice of one lime


Bring to boil, then simmer for 30 or more minutes.

Serve with Monterey Jack or Pepper Jack cheese and tortilla chips.  Sour cream if desired.

The turkey breast I used had been roasted with a rosemary, thyme, garlic rub.

Infused Contemplation

"Prayer, contemplation, infused:  an infused supernatural gift, that originates completely outside of our will or ability in God, by which a person becomes freely absorbed in God producing a real awareness, desire and love for Him.  This often gentle or delightful encounter can yield special insights into things of the spirit and results in a deeper and tangible desire to love God and neighbor in thought, word and deed.  It is important to note that infused contemplation is a state that can be prepared for, but cannot in any way be produced by the will or desire of a person through methods or ascetical practices (Author)."     Navigating the Interior Life, Daniel Burke

Before this dark night descended upon me, this state of infused contemplation was a fairly regular occurrence.  "Delightful" is certainly a good word to describe it.  I will admit I have missed these times, so when yesterday morning I found myself quite unexpectedly in this contemplation I felt as though I were glowing.  These rare moments seem to come only when I am un-self-conscious and have for a brief moment abandoned myself to Divine Providence.  "I Want to Be Home" is a result of this brief time spent in infused contemplation, and is a very poor representation of what I actually thought /felt for that moment.  Words are unable to express such things with any precision.

Grilling in March

I had gone through our freezer, finding food items we needed to eat and I came across two nice pieces of top sirloin.  Hmmmm....sure it's windy and cold and raining - but surely I can grill these outside.  So, I did!  It probably looked a little funny, to watch someone bundled up and grilling with the wind whipping her hair around.  Luckily it didn't rain.  The grill didn't get as hot as usual, and complained when the wind kicked up, but it worked just fine and we had a green salad (from over-wintered greens in the garden), sweet potatoes and top sirloin.  Mmmm, mmmm, good!  And I didn't have to worry about being attacked by the multitudes of yellow jackets that are here in the summer.

I Want to Be Home

I remember being 6 or 7, and seriously wondering if I had been adopted.  I did not fit in with my family.  I was so different.  Years later, I discovered something which showed me I may not have been too far off the mark!  But today, as I sat to pray, reading Scripture, it occurred to me to ask how I could be of this world? This is not where I was meant to be.  I want to be Home with my Father.  I want to be Home.

How do I live now so that can eventually happen?  My faults are great and my sins are many, and I see nothing around me right now that shows a path, a way, a light.  How do I find my way to trust in God again? 

These are just questions I ask myself, as I long so for my Lord.  I know and believe in His Mercy, without which I would be completely lost.  I see my own wretchedness and see how great it is. . . but I KNOW that God's Mercy is ever so much greater than my wretchedness - and because of that I can continue living as best as I can, with His Grace, growing closer and closer to Him and my ultimate goal.

Two Reactions - Which Is More Vocation Friendly?

My 5-yr. old has been saying for almost a year now that he wants to be a priest.  When he told our pastor this a few weeks ago, Father just laughed and said something to the effect of "well, there's a long way to go before that can happen."  Today, my little extrovert asked when he could go talk to our former, now retired, pastor who had come over for a daily Mass.  I said go ahead and talk to him now.  So he went up to him and said "I want to be a priest."  Leaning down toward my son, Father said (cue Irish accent) "Well, that's great!!  I can't keep doing this forever!" 

Now which do you suppose is more vocation friendly?  Our current pastor does not encourage vocations at all.  One of our parishioner feels called to the diaconate, and I heard him ask Father about this.  Again, all I heard from Father was the "there's a long way to go before that can happen" talk.  He seems to only see the difficulties, and not the beauty; the long road, and not the passion.  I wonder if this has more to say about him than about anything else.  He seems to be a nice man, but we have no encouragement for vocations, no encouragement to go to confession, no discussion on sin or hell or even heaven.  The handful of times our retired Pastor has come over, I think every time he has mentioned confession, today mentioning the fact that God is always willing to give us another chance but there will come a day when we have no more chances - so be ready, and go to confession!  We have heard of the seven deadly sins, the corporal works of mercy, lots of good history, the occasional recitation of Shakespeare - all from this wonderful, old, Irish priest.

And at night when he says his prayers, my son always asks God to bless our retired, Irish Father.

No Shortcuts

Message for the day, caught in between a dream and the fourth decade of the Rosary - Sorrowful Mysteries, "The Lord Carries His Cross":

There are no shortcuts.  Go back, pick up your cross, and bear it.  Follow me.  Follow me alone.  Follow me all the way.

Will It Always Be Night?

It began just as a light fog - things weren't as clear as they had been, but the fog thickened.  I could feel it closing in around me, but still the path at my feet and just ahead was visible.  Then it started to rain - a cold, drenching rain - causing me to huddle inside, making my way slippery and slow.  And then I saw the night approaching.  Here I sit, in the middle of a foggy, rainy, night with no stars since clouds are low and thick.  I dare not move.  Every now and then I get a glimpse of light, but it does not light the path or show me what surrounds.  It is too quick, too brief.  Will it always be night?  How long must I stay in this desert?  It seems like it has already been a long time, though I know I can count it in mere months.  I would say I am lost, for that is what it feels like, but lost doesn't seem quite right.  There are things I know, and it is to these that I must cling.  For even when I can see nothing around me, even when I cannot see any light or any path, I know that He has not abandoned me.  I know where I want to be, even if I don't know the way.  What did Frodo say?  "I will take the Ring to Mordor. Though-- I do not know the way."  I cannot be completely lost, for I know my goal is Heaven, to be with God for all eternity - even if at the moment "I do not know the way."

What to do?

Our parish hosted the "Ecumenical Lenten Soup Supper" tonight, and I was asked by our lay leader (he is trained to lead a Communion/Word Service in the absence of a priest, which does sometimes happen here) to assist him in leading one half of the group as we prayed the Liturgy of the Hours/Vespers tonight.  I also read one of the readings.  Even though I am an incurable introvert, I don't mind being out in front of a group of people.  I have been trained in public speaking, and specifically in Scriptural Reading (thank you Sr. de Lourdes!).  I minored in Drama in college.  Speaking in front of large groups, even though I do get nervous, is something at which I am fairly good.

But here is the dilemma:  I was asked tonight by the lay leader if I would like to be trained as a lay leader.  I don't think women should lead services which might be construed by some to be a Mass - for even though it is made quite clear, I know that there are some who don't really see the difference.  There are many in my parish who are in favor of women priests.  My "being raised" to this lay-leader position would bring even more attention to the debate here about women priests.  My gut tells me not to accept the offer.  But could I, in a position of leadership in the parish, possible bring about some changes?  Bring more orthodoxy, more devotions, more Catholicism to the parish?  For example, we do not have Stations of the Cross offered during Lent - is this a way to bring more orthodox Catholicism to this progressive little parish?

I am torn and do not know what to think.  I will certainly pray and ask for guidance, but if anyone has an opinion I would be willing to hear it.  I am in the middle of the desert right now - only small glimmers of light come to me.  I know now is not the time to make a change, until this time of personal spiritual darkness is over, but....  I am conflicted.  Of course, this could just be the adversary baiting me and trying to get me to change my focus. 

And then there is this:  the primary reason my husband gives for not attending this parish is because of two men in the parish.  Guess who they are?  One is the current lay leader.  The other has accepted the offer to be another.  I already have to be careful that I do not mention these two men's names to my husband - what would it mean to be working very closely with them?  I don't know.  Please pray for me as I try to make this decision - and any good advice would be appreciated.

Really, I'm trying!

I have no less than three posts sitting in draft form.  Everything seems trite.  Sigh.  I'm just having one of those periods where nothing in my brain can make it to paper in even remotely the same form in which it forms in my brain.

Of course, it could just be that my younger son won't stop talking to me...and I can't think with all that constant chatter.  ARGHHHHH!

Where I'm From, a poem

I am from cornbread, fried shrimp,

Hushpuppies and grits…

From iced tea, straight up,

Tea bag re-used three times.

I am from the Southern Pine,

Deeply rooted in red clay,
Bending in hurricane winds,

Surrounded by azaleas and dogwoods.

I am from Pecan orchards,

Row upon row of Silver Queen Corn;

Sirmon’s “Big Ol’” Strawberries:

Pick your own.

I am from the afternoon thunderstorm,

Tornado shelters, trailer parks.

From water moccasins in the streets,

Courtesy of Hurricane Frederick.

I am from plaid school uniforms,

Multiplication tables, perfect penmanship

Taught with an Irish brogue

And a ruler.

From respect for our Flag

Folded with military precision,

With dreams of West Point

And horses.

I am from the Lady of Chalot,
Twelfth Night, Psalm 27,

To comfort and soothe my soul.

From the rich melody of

Old family names: 

Guarisco, Lazzari, Bertagnolli…

Surrounding my new one;

Green eyes hiding among dark brown.

I am from fear, anger, violence

And the black leather belt

Hanging on a nail.

I am from the smell of cheap beer,

whiskey watered down;

From Strength in silence,

Hiding for safety,

Quiet, listening.

I am from a childhood misplaced,

Pictures lost, traditions forgotten,

Family scattered

By our own choosing.

Nothing to tie me to home

Except lessons from the past

Learned with my ear
To the floor.

(Inspired by: "Where I'm From" by George Ella Lyon)

Homily Encouraging Confession

Everyone should read this homily -- well, at least every Catholic :-)!!

Releasing the Arrow

Amen!

We had a visiting priest for the past two Sundays.  He is a Benedictine, not even 2 years ordained, and from a town probably about 2.5 hours from the ferry landing (so, he had a really long day getting here and getting back - I'm thinking he spent Saturday night).  Well, we had maybe 50 people in attendance yesterday - you see, there was this football game (Seattle Seahawks) which apparently was around the same time as the Mass.  Father thanked us for coming, and continued on by saying (and this is probably a bad paraphrase) that the lack of attendance was a sign that the Church is a hospital for sinners, not a <museum> of saints and people often miss the mark...and some must not realize the importance of attending Sunday Mass.  After he said this, you could feel the surprise in the room, the choir decided to launch right into the Kyrie', and I tried very hard not to laugh in gleeful surprise at a priest who wasn't afraid to say something which might make him unpopular - granted, he won't be here next week, but I was still gladdened at his statement.  Woo hoo! 

Amen, Fr. PT.  Amen!